Short
March 10, 2008 — Amoeboid Blurry SmileI mean this post. I don’t mean me. I’m not short. I’m not tall either. Well, my kids think I’m tall now. I don’t suppose they will when they are all grown up. They might. I don’t give them coffee or caffeinated pop. Besides, I read recently that that doesn’t stunt growth. Reading that made me laugh. Did anyone ever really believe that coffee stunts one’s growth?
I’ve conferred with the illustrious Søren the Great (as I’m writing this) and we have concluded, “Probably not.” I’m not making this up. Those were his exact words. I fully agree with his answer to my query. I didn’t copy and paste his words. I retyped them. Typing two words was less effort than moving my mouse over to my AIM window and selecting the text and right clicking to copy it and moving the mouse, clicking in the right place and pasting.
I have been considering getting my kids addicted to caffeine. My purposes are nefarious and purely self interested. If they were caffeine addicts and I controlled the flow of caffeine into their little veins then I could control how much energy they have. The kids would be nice and bouncy at school but I’d give them no caffeine for an afternoon snack and definitely none on the weekend.
March 10, 2008 at 2:09 pm
This just in: I looked at my search info and discovered that someone using a machine in [country name withheld to respect the privacy of some possibly very weird person] searched for “penis and electric toothbrush” and found this post. Why would anyone let alone someone in [country name withheld again for the same reason] search for those terms together?
March 10, 2008 at 5:06 pm
Penis and electric toothbrush was me. Sorry.
I heard that coffee growth stunting thing when I was a wee one, too. Not true though? Didn’t think so because many years ago I bought my six year old nephew a Frappuccino and he’s quite tall right now.
March 10, 2008 at 9:32 pm
You could have the same nefarious control over your kids’ energy by being the sugar gatekeeper, too. If you controlled both, you’d have them at your mercy.
March 11, 2008 at 12:10 am
Amusing, Bongo. I’m jealous that you IM with Søren the Great. I miss interacting with him. I need the depth and the humor he offers.
Not to say you don’t provide this. In fact, that is why I am here. I needed a Bongo fix.
March 11, 2008 at 2:36 am
Nothing worse than sprats who can’t get moving without their second double espresso.
March 11, 2008 at 8:12 am
OH! I thought I was short because I took up heavy coffee drinking when I was 14. Now what caused me to be height challenged?
March 11, 2008 at 12:06 pm
I grew like a weed during the years I didn’t drink coffee. Cigarettes and coffee could possibly be the only things keeping me at human-like proportions.
March 11, 2008 at 9:30 pm
It wouldn’t work anyway. Look at all the energy kids who don’t get sugar or caffeine have.
We need the sugar and caffeine to keep up.
March 11, 2008 at 10:07 pm
No no no. The idea is to get them addicted and then keep them in a state of relaxed mellow withdrawal as much as possible.